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In the lockdown, while I was on regular OPD and ICU rounds at a COVID hospital, I started noticing some mild symptoms of the Coronavirus infection. Being in the medical field and considering the severity of the pandemic situation then, I was very careful and cautious, and observed the symptoms closely. The symptoms persisted and I had to self-quarantine until the medical test reports came. It was important for me to isolate myself from the rest of the medical team and prevent the spread of the virus. Finally, the report came: I was COVID positive! Stunned and slightly devastated; I broke the news to my family who could not believe it either. As a doctor, I could only treat, comfort and empathize with the COVID patients undergoing treatment; completely isolated from their loved ones. But now, I could actually feel the uncertainty of the situation. I was hospitalized and continued to experience body-ache during the admission. It was a stressful situation where I felt anxious and stressed about everything. My CT scan reports showed mild lung infection on the day of admission but as the cytokines storm developed, my lungs were 76 % damaged in 3-5 days and I was short of breath and my oxygen level deteriorated to less than 80.  I was shifted to an ICU with high-flow oxygen and was on a BiPap machine which I had purchased a few weeks ago for the hospital and never imagined that I would be using myself one day.

If a business fails, it was an idea that didn’t work. If treatment fails – it must be a botch up. A broken gadget may be beyond repair, but not a patient in a doctor’s hands. From such ungraded expectations stems the potential for things to take an ugly turn. An unwanted profession dealing with an unwanted condition, namely Ill health: If possible, we would wish away death and diseases, hospitals and doctors. A hospital is not a holiday resort, but it too costs money. And the scenario of an adverse outcome like death simply becomes unacceptable.

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